Pete's Discovery
by MagellinaFluffQueen
Summary: Pete accidentally sneaks up on Claudia and overhears something he shouldn't. Was originally intended as a one-shot but it's evolved into a multi-chapter humorfic. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

** Yay! A Warehouse 13 ficlet! I haven't written in like two weeks, but it seems like two YEARS. Just out of curiosity, who thinks the last few episodes have been not so good? The last good one was "Age Before Beauty" if you ask me. The crossover and this weeks with the telegraph weren't bad, but they weren't great either. **

** Anyway, I've been tossing this idea around in my head for about a week, hope you enjoy! Rated T for the song included, if you know the song you know what I mean! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, PEOPLE!**

** I can't remember what they categorize rows and isles by so I'm pretending that they group them into sections based on the kind of artifacts that are in them (I think they do this, actually) and then alphabetize the sections.**

** Disclaimer: I don't own Artie, Claudia, Pete, the Warehouse, or "The Bad Touch", which is by Bloodhound Gang, if anyone cares to hear it.**

Pete's Discovery

Artie buzzes Claudia on the Farnsworth. She is, as usual, doing inventory deep within the Warehouse doesn't answer. Grumbling, Artie searches her location on the computer. She is _very_ far away from the office. Artie buzzes Pete, who is also doing inventory as punishment for an incident which involved a flamethrower and Albert Einstein's galoshes.

"Pete? Would you mind going to check on Claudia? She's not answering her Farnsworth."

Pete rolls his eyes and sighs loudly. "Fine. But I expect to be reimbursed in cookies, she's all the way over in section L."

"You do not get 'reimbursement", you are being punished for tampering with artifacts." he says sternly, though the effect is ruined slightly by the fact that he is trying not to smile.

"You're such a hard-ass, Artie." Pete chuckles and closes the Farnsworth. He starts the long trek to the L section.

After about three hours or so (in Pete's mind) Pete finally makes it over to the L section. He walks down a row looking for Claudia. He is about to call her name when he hears something. Creeping stealthily to the end of the isle, he spies Claudia wearing her favorite pair of headphones, the big ones that completely cover your ears. _No wonder she didn't hear the Farnsworth go off. Pete thinks, shaking his head. _Then Pete starts to laugh.

Claudia is doing a weird little dance as she shelves boxes and scans things, but that's not the funniest part. The funniest part is what she is singing, a song Pete remembers only too well from his time with his last girlfriend.

"You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel." A rather spastic dance move follows this line.

Pete starts to laugh softly and takes out his phone. He films the rest of Claudia's performance and leaves, completely forgetting that he was supposed to send Claudia back to the office. As he walks cheerfully away he thinks,_ This'll be excellent blackmail __later._

** Did you like? Or not so much? Either way, please click on that little blue and orange button down there and review. **


	2. Chapter 2

** I'm so glad you all like this story enough to subscribe to it! I wasn't actually planning on making it a multi-chapter story; it was meant as a one-shot. But since you all seem to be expecting more now, here's the second chapter to "Pete's Discovery".**

** Disclaimer: I don't own W13 or the characters in it. Nor do I own the song "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang, or YouTube.**

Artie is on the Warehouse computer system, doing his daily check of the newsfeeds for unusual events that could be artifacts. Claudia is (as always) doing inventory, but Pete has been more or less forgiven for the "galoshes incident" and is at the B&B with Myka and Leena.

Having checked the more useful sites, Artie sighs and types in the two words he hates above all others: YouTube.

YouTube is actually a very helpful tool in finding artifacts, but the time it takes to sift through the piles of junk to find relevant videos frustrates Artie to no end. Looking at recently posted items for anything out of the ordinary, he spots a familiar face. Curiosity gets the better of him and he clicks on the video. His face turns _very _red as he listens to Claudia's voice sing a faintly familiar song as she dances around Section L.

...

At lunch at the B&B Artie tries to avoid eye-contact with Claudia. She notices and corners him on his way back to the Warehouse.

"Hey, Artie, whats the big deal?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" he says, stalling as he tries to inch out the door. She blocks his way and frowns at him.

"You know what I'm talking about. You're avoiding me. Are you mad at me or something? Because I haven't done anything... this week."

"No, it's just... You're on YouTube." Artie mutters, looking determinedly anywhere but at Claudia.

"WHAT?" she shrieks, but Artie has already escaped out the door.

Claudia bolts up the stairs and into her room to check on her laptop. Sure enough, there she is; dancing and singing a _highly_ inappropriate song for the whole world to see. When the video ends she can only think of one thing to say:

"PETE!"


	3. Chapter 3

** The third chapter of "Pete's Discovery" is up! Thanks for all the lovely reviews, much appreciated! Oh, and my apologies for spelling errors revolving around the letter s. My Beta-reader is on strike and the s key is being finicky. I will proofread, but I can't catch everything.**

** Disclaimer: I don't own W13 or "The Bad Touch" or YouTube. Haven't we been over this?**

Pete hears his name being screamed and thinks _Oh crap. She found it._ Before Pete can prepare any kind of defense, Claudia appears. She glares at him and snorts.

"Really? Why, Pete, Why would you post that? Where did you even get that?"

"I, uh, filmed it on my phone a couple days ago."

Claudia continues to glare at him, her hands on her hips and her lips pursed in a very Myka-ish expression. "You know what they say about payback, Peter Lattimer." she growls, then spins on her heel and storms from the room.

Pete shivers. He has been on the receiving end of Claudia's particular brand of payback too many time for his liking. He remembers a favorite cliché of a previous girlfriend's: the best defense is a good offense.

Pete begins to formulate a plan.

...t**his is embarrassingly short. But I'm fresh out of revenge plots. So, if you want this story to continue, please leave suggestions for pranks! I have zero ideas.**


	4. Chapter 4

** The FOURTH CHAPTER! And my s key is fixed, so I can type at an almost reasonable speed!**

** Thanks to InuGhost2.0 and Maria Rene for the prank ideas, which are featured in this chapter. I decided the Silly String wasn't really a good idea this early on, we wouldn't want anyone to get hurt now, would we? I tweaked slightly. But the essence is still there, I assure you (grins evilly).**

Pete opens the door of his bedroom as quietly as possible. He sneaks out into the hallway with a brown paper bag. He tiptoes down the hall, trying not to make any noise since it's 5:30 in the morning. Reaching Claudia's room, Pete tries the doorknob and finds it locked. No matter, he thinks. Pulling out a hairpin of Myka's from the bag, he thanks God that he was a bad kid and that the B&B has the right kind of locks.

Having successfully broken in to Claudia's room, Pete creeps right up to the side of the bed and pulls out a roll of duct tape from the paper bag. He eyes it in disdain; he would rather have had some of that Silly String, but Artie must've hidden it somewhere because Pete couldn't find it, even after spending a whole day looking for it. Oh, well, duct tape will have to do. Pete goes to work. The last thing he does is open the thick, dark curtains so that the sun will come in.

Ten minutes later he leaves the room, barely suppressing a chuckle. Claudia is rapped head to toe in purple duct tape, bound to the bed. Pete goes downstairs and leaves for his morning run. After he his out of the house he bursts out laughing, very proud of his preemptive strike.

…

The first thing Claudia thinks when she wakes up that morning is _It's certainly bright in here, isn't it? _And the second thing she thinks is _Why can't I move my arms?_ Claudia starts to panic slightly before realizing she is wrapped in purple duct tape. As she works her hands free she is chanting to herself, _Pete Lattimer will die._

…

At breakfast that morning Pete watches Claudia closely, wondering why she hasn't said anything yet. She eats her waffles calmly, thinking (although Pete doesn't know it, of course) of the trap she has set for Pete to find later. Unable to take it any longer, Pete blurts "How did you sleep last night, Claudia?"

"Oh, very well, thanks Pete." Claudia says, smiling innocently.

"The sunrise was nice today, wasn't it?" he prods.

"Mm-hmm. Very purple." Claudia replies.

Artie scrutinizes Claudia closely, wondering WHAT exactly they are talking about and if he should be worried. Deciding it's probably nothing, he finishes his waffles and pulls out a stack of files from his bag.

"Right then, Pete and Myka, you two will be going to the northern woods of Wisconsin.. There's this fishing rod..."

…

Pete walks up the stairs to his room, completely exhausted. The trip to the little town of Minocqua, Wisconsin had really taken it out of him. He opens the door to his bedroom, flops down on his bed...

...and is immediately hit full on by a Zip-loc gallon bag of water.

In the room next door, Claudia and Myka snicker quietly to themselves as they listen to Pete curse.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, everyone! Here's the next chapter for you! Someone ( I do believe it was InuGhost 2.0. Thanks!) suggested that Claudia... well, I don't want to spoil the surprise! **

"Really, Claudia, that was just brilliant." Myka says, leaning her head out the window to admire the elaborate pulley system that had allowed Claudia to lob a giant water balloon through Pete's window and onto his bed.

"Aw, it was nothin' really." she shrugs. "I just set it up so that when weight was put on the bed it would fling a bag of water in on him."

"Well it rocked." Myka grins, high- fiving Claudia.

"You don't think it was too much?" Claudia asks.

Myka thinks for a moment. "No. As if that video wasn't bad enough, he had the nerve to tape you to your bed as well."

Claudia grins. She had been able to leverage Myka to her side by showing her the video that Pete had posted. Myka had been outraged that Pete would do something so clearly embarrassing to Claudia, who does not have the most pleasant singing voice. Wait... hold on...

"What did you just say?" Claudia asks, pointing at Myka.

"The video wasn't bad enough?"

Claudia rubs her hands together and cackles in her best imitation of an evil movie villain. "That's perfect! Myka, do you still have that tape of Pete making out with no one?"

"Yeah, why?" Myka frowns at the excited teen.

"Wanna help me 'edit' it?" Claudia asks, still grinning like a maniac.

** R&R, leave prank suggestions, they WILL end up in here sooner or later and I WILL credit you, so if you don't want that leave them anonymously. Thanks, 'bye now!**


	6. Chapter 6

** Thanks for all the suggestions! Keep 'em coming! **

** This chapter's pranks I attribute to casdeputy for Pete's prank, and... InuGhost2.0 for the video editing. Thanks, a big bag of cookies to each of you! **

** Oh, and I'm writing under the assumption that there are two bathrooms in the B&B, one between Claudia and Myka's rooms and one between Pete and Artie's rooms. And The girls bathroom has a door out into the hallway so that Leena can use that one, as well.**

Pete waits until Myka gets out of the shower before sneaking into the girls' bathroom and unscrewing the shampoo bottle lid. He pulls a tiny bottle of dye out of his pocket and pours the entire contents into the already-orange mango-scented shampoo. _This'll teach her to dump water on my bed! _ he thinks furiously, then leaves the room.

...

Half an hour later he hears the water running upstairs. Pete has to shove his hand in his mouth to keep from snickering. Leena, who is standing at the stove making omelets for breakfast, notices.

"This is payback for the giant water balloon, isn't it? What did you do, put a jello cube in the shower head?" she asks resignedly.

Pete gapes. He should have known it was useless to try and keep anything from this woman, she knows everything.

"Uh, no I put food coloring in the shampoo bottle." he says sheepishly.

Leena sighs. "I hope you can finish this war you've started, Pete. Because you know they're not gonna let this go."

…

Claudia gets out of the shower, toweling her hair dry. She goes into her bedroom and starts to dress, then catches sight of her hair in the mirror. "MYKA!" she shrieks, as her hair has turned a bright, almost neon-like orange.

Myka runs into the room to find Claudia standing there half-dressed and with orange hair. "I do believe it's time we upload that video, Myka." Claudia says in a voice of deadly calm.

…

Artie is, once again, doing the dreaded check of YouTube when he finds a video of Pete. He recognizes it immediately as the security camera footage from that incident with the telegraph a few weeks back, but it has been edited. Now instead of Pete making out with no one, he is making out with… Mrs. Frederic?

Artie decides it is time to have a talk with Claudia.

**Ta-da! So, how was it? This is a pretty low blow, isn't it? The next chapter will be much more original, courtesy of InuGhost2.0 (again) and Maria Rene.**


	7. Chapter 7

** Hey there, dear readers! This chapter will probably be the longest one yet, simply because the pranks are so detailed. Thanks to InuGhost2.0 and Maria Rene for their continued help and support.**

Artie is waiting for Claudia that morning. She enters the office and and he just about dies laughing at her hair. After a solid minute of glaring from Claudia, he finally stops and asks, "This is Pete's revenge for this video, isn't it?"

Claudia rushes to the computer, looking at her video and smirking. "Actually, the video is payback for the hair, not the other way around."

Artie regards Claudia suspiciously for a moment before saying, "Well, alright. But if this starts to get out of hand I'm coming after you."

Claudia looks amazed. "You're not taking his side?"

Artie rolls his eyes. "I'm not taking ANYONE'S side, Claudia. I'm only warning you not to do anything life threatening or involving artifacts."

Claudia nods. "Yes, sir." She runs down into the Warehouse to start doing inventory.

…

Pete, meanwhile, is at the B&B talking to Leena, whom he has recruited to help him. She gives him a small bag filled with an unidentifiable white powder.

"Leena, I'm surprised at you. I never would have thought you dealt cocaine." he asks, holding the bag up to eye level and tsk-ing at her.

"It's itching powder. Put it in her bed or her clothes." Leena says. She is only too happy to help Pete, as she has somewhat of a crush on him.

"Excellent." Pete says appreciatively. He takes the bag upstairs and pours it into Claudia's bed.

…

Claudia does not sleep well that night. When she wakes up the next morning, very tired, and discovers a fine white powder in her bed, she swears silently and goes to find Myka. Together they formulate a plan.

…

"Are you sure this is going to work, Myka?" Claudia asks doubtfully, eyeing the handprints they've put on the walls in glow in the dark paint in Pete's bathroom. "I mean, he is an adult, and this isn't really that scary..."

"That's because it's daytime, Claudia. " Myka explains patiently. "My cousin did this to me once, I was about your age and I just about died I was so scared. It's much scarier in the dark, trust me."

Claudia still silently thinks that Pete is a little old to believe in Bloody Mary, but goes along with it.

Claudia and Myka spend the night in Myka's room, eating popcorn and pretending to watch chick flicks. Really they are listening intently for some sign that Pete has discovered their "Bloody Mary" trap.

Around one-thirty in the morning they hear a door open and someone enter the bathroom.

...there is a bloodcurdling scream. Then a thud. Then Pete's voice saying sleepily, "Whas goin' on? Wha wuzzat?".

Myka and Claudia look at each other, then burst out into the hallway and into the bathroom shared by Pete and Artie.

Their boss is lying on the floor in a plaid bathrobe, out cold.

"Oh shit." Claudia says before Pete joins them in the bathroom.

"What happened here?" Pete says, looking confusedly around at the glow-in-the-dark handprints on the wall and face on the mirror. Then he looks down at Artie, unconscious on the floor. Understanding dawns on his face.

"Oh, you two are so BUSTED." He grins at the girls, wiggles his fingers and goes back to bed, chuckling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, hey hey! It's another awesome chapter of "Pete's Discovery"! Just so you know, you don't really have to send in any more suggestions for pranks, as this is the last chapter. I'm sorry to all those people who were enjoying it, but I've kinda gotten tired of this story. **

Claudia and Myka stare down at Artie, wondering whether to wake him and be shouted at or go to bed and be shouted at in the morning. They are saved the trouble of having to decide when he wakes up of his own accord.

"That was NOT funny. Bloody Mary is a very real force, I thought you two would realize by now that stories aren't just stories when you work at the Warehouse. This prank war ends here, am I understood?" he growls, pointing a finger menacingly at the girls.

"Yes, sir." Claudia says, while Myka justs nods.

"Good. Now clean this off the walls. And tomorrow you two are doing inventory." He leaves the room to go back to bed. Claudia and Myka sigh and head out into the hallway to get sponges from the broom closet on the landing.

…

The next day finds a very tired Myka and Claudia doing inventory in section L, where all the trouble started in the first place. Pete sits in the office, occasionally buzzing the girls on the Farnsworth to gloat. Claudia and Myka look at each other, with an expression that clearly says, "We'll get him in the end."

~FIN~

**Yeah, I know it was a crappy ending. Sorry. Keep your eyes peeled for a sequel, which I might do... someday. I'm sorry, I just couldn't write this anymore but I promise I'll come back to it eventually. Thanks for reading, everyone! And thanks to everyone who sent in pranks, you are all geniuses without whom this story would still be a one-shot.** ** The next thing I'll be working on is a W13 question and answer. Send in your questions and I'll get answers to them! Thanks!**


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